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In one week I’ve made a really crazy mess of my life.

After a few weeks at work I decide I don’t really like men very much because half the guys at work are saying awful things about women when they think there aren’t any around.

Last Friday the one guy I like (my best guy friend from college) says he loves me, I had a crush on him too but I had thought we’d always just be good friends. I thought we’d just get a little closer maybe cuddle a bit. I was wrong, I can’t be that close to someone I love and not want to do things with them.

In only five days I had cheated and it felt really good, but also heartbreaking because I felt I had to leave my wife. Ten years of my life with her and while there had been bad times most were good and the last month and a half had been really good. I told her Thursday after another failed attempt to just break up. She was understandable pissed and there were lots of tears but in the end she wouldn’t let me go and I couldn’t stand to hurt her any more than I had.

So now I’m in this awkward position, running back and forth between to people I love and unable to give my all to either one.

It’s all too much and I wish they’d both just find better lovers than me.

Why not to think with your heart.

Because the heart only knows now, it forgets the millions of tiny happy things you’ve built in to your life. It doesn’t know how much seeing the vegetables from the garden you shopped together for and took turns watering would mean to you. It doesn’t think about all the food in the fridge she made so you’d have something to eat or how much knowing she cares will hurt. It doesn’t realize that your not just hurting the girl your mad at now, you hurt the one you loved then and the one you would have loved tomorrow.

What I’m saying is don’t let love blind you to all the love you’ve grown used to. Because no amount of love is worth the hurt I’ve caused.

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